Fantasies

Bet I can read your mind right now, you saw the title and thought, "OH BOY, hubba hubba! Now it's getting good, cold shower, here I come after I read this!"

Well, sorry, apparently you don't know me as well as you thought you did. My fantasies wouldn't raise a sweat on a Pepsi can on a hot day! One or two, maybe, but rest assured I won't be putting those on here. I admit I do have one or two, I'm a guy after all, but most of mine are...humdrum, for lack of a better word.

There are all kinds of fantasies. There's Fantasy Island, with "Boz Boz da plane!" from that creepy little guy, I wouldn't have wanted to be stuck on an island with him! I did applaud Roger Moore in "The Man with the Golden Gun" when 007 trapped him in a trunk and put him in the rigging of a yacht at the end. Me, I would have just shot him and dumped him over the boat.

Then there are the diabolical little ones. Like the ones I have about my mother's boss, I have these fantasies of what to do with her and her husband, usually they involve the Chesapeake Bay, a boat with no oars, and enough salt water sprayed on them to attract every mosquito on the East Coast and no sunblock. When I have more time, I dream up exotic deaths worthy of the old "Batman" tv series. Why the Penguin or Joker never just shot them I'll never understand, they always got out of their predicament and caught them again and again. You would think the archcriminals (Hah!) would have learned.

And then there are the ones for my ex. They usually involve carjackers, knives, and sewage treatment plants. And those are the nice ones!

To be totally honest I do have fantasies about women. Like the one where I'm driving on Rt. 202 in Wilmington and Valerie Bertinelli, who's in town visiting her family, bumps into my car. I agree not to sue her if she has dinner with me, usually by candlelight. I admire her though so it ends there, not in some cheap motel. And the ones where I win the lottery and I buy a boat crewed by Scandinavian women, but only because 1. Scandinavians are GREAT sailors, and 2. Let's be honest, I'm a guy, why would I want to look at sailors named Sven all day?

And finally, there are the everyday fantasies, where I dream I'm popular, surrounded by friends, good looking (hey, I said it was a fantasy!), and I'm happy doing whatever it is I do for a living. That is the one that seems the most likely to happen, I just haven't found out what it is yet.

I like to think fantasies can come true if you work hard enough to make them happen. Someday I could be popular, and I could be happy in some form of employment. That's called being realistic, we all have a shot at those two. As far as good looking, well, mirrors don't lie. As far as the lottery, you never know. Valerie Bertinelli, really a long shot, I would have a better chance with the lottery!

So it's okay to fantasize, or dream, a little. Depending on them to just happen means you're pretty much doomed to disappointment. But we need those dreams to keep us going. Life can be too depressing sometimes.

So now you can take your cold shower, or whatever. Sorry if I disappointed you but this is MY blog!