As promised in last Wednesday's post, here are more of our professional literary achievements from our country's newspapers.
"One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers" Now tell me the truth, isn't this kind of insensitive?
"Tips to avoid alligator attacks" - Don't swim in waters inhabited by large alligators. Well, I guess this newspaper was having a really slow news day.....DUH!!!! Tomorrow's will probably be something along the lines of "How to avoid falling down stairs....Avoid stairs
"Missippi's literacy program shows improvement" I really hope this editor wasn't the best English student that school ever had or they're in trouble!
"Statistics show teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25" Now why in the world do you think that is? Why not after age 20 or 21?
"Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons" Incredible! That's our government tax dollars at work! Wonder what they expected to find...doughnuts?
"Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison" This must be from the brother of the alligator attack guy above! Same I.Q. level, or they think people are really that stupid!
"Caskets found as worker demolish mausoleum" Subtitle "We had no idea anyone was buried there" Well gee, what did they think the little stone building in the cemetery was, a closed up McDonalds?
"Meeting on open meetings is closed" All right, my open mind is closed now.
"Volunteers search for old Civil War planes" Would have loved to see how they attached the 1600 lb. cannons to the wings and then loaded the cannonballs in flight!
"County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds" I can only guess this came from Harford County, Maryland, they're stupid enough to do that!
"Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says" Okay, just not going to go there...
And I wonder why I can't get a job with a newspaper, guess maybe I'm too overqualified!
Back next week with more!
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