Goodbyes

Today I said goodbye to my sister, who is moving to another state. Her co-workers and friends had a farewell party for her which my family attended. A lot of people said many wonderful things about her, about how she has had an influence on their lives. My sister has also had some difficult times over the past few years and these people were there for her when she needed them. Needless to say, it was very emotional on everybody's part.

Then I came home and saw an "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode, when Ray had to give a eulogy for his uncle. It was difficult since his mother and aunt had been carrying a grudge with each other for the past seven years. Raymond got tired of it in the middle of the eulogy and spoke about what family had meant to his uncle.

It made me think of the similarity between the two events. In both cases people were saying goodbye to someone who meant something to them. When my time comes there will be no need for a funeral, as I have nobody to attend it. I have tried to live a good life and to help people, but it has been in vain. I have nobody that's here for me except my mother, and to my regret I will probably outlive her. Once she's gone there will be no need for me to continue, so I will probably die from a broken heart or other means.

How I wish I meant something to somebody. Life just isn't fair that way. You try to do everything right but it doesn't mean anything to anyone except your parents. You face the world that treats you like dirt no matter what you do. Maybe I should have smoked and drank and tried to fit in, except it wasn't what I believed in or what I was taught. I tried marriage and what a disaster that turned out to be. Some people just aren't meant to win and I'm one of them.

I know my sister will be happy in her new job, she has the support of her colleagues. I envy her and am proud of her, and wish her all the luck in the world.